Friday, September 19, 2008

Jack Handey is real!

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man...

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?
We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

And (for whatever reason) Kim's and my personal favorite from HS:

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

Maybe you already knew that this guy wasn't just someone SNL made up - but I just found out today. Man... the memories. I need to get a book of his.

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